I just had to post this very sassy article - I can relate to every single one of these!! Though, to be honest, the questions I get asked really don't bother me, I'm happy to try and respond. :)
14 things you should NEVER say to a military wife:
Unless of course you are willing to take that chance on catching one of us on a REALLY bad day and we end up kicking your butt........remember our husbands are trained to stay alive....do you want to bet that they didn't bring their "work" home when they knew we were going to have to live and take care of ourselves for a year at a time because you can bet your butt my husband did!!!!
1. "Aren't you afraid that he'll be killed?"
(This one ranks in at number one on the "duh" list. Of course we're
afraid. We're terrified. The thought always lingers at the backs of our
minds —but thanks brilliant, you just brought it back to the front.
Maybe next you can go ask someone with cancer if they're scared of
dying.)
* This question actually doesn't bother me too much, personally. I believe everything happens the way it should - whether Jed comes home or not. God is over all and I trust in Him completely with whatever comes my way. I have had to prepare myself for any kind of possibility...including death. However, having said that....when I don't hear from Jed for a long while when I expect to, I do start to feel a bit of that panic in the pit of my stomach and my minds starts to think of the worst scenarios. Just the thought of him dying makes me emotional. What DOES bother me, is when my kids have people/other kids ask them this particular question or put it in the form of a statement, "You're dad is going to die!" Yes, this has actually happened to us. That was the hardest thing to see Aubrey go through - kids would tease her about this. It's terrible and cruel, especially since it was exactly what she already feared the most.
2. "I don't know how you manage. I don't think I could do it."
(This is intended to be a compliment. Though, its just a little annoying.
Here's why: it's not like all of us military wives have been dreaming since childhood of the day we'd get to be anxious single moms who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the shower. We're not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable, we just got asked to take on a challenging job. So we rose to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices.)
*I still gratefully take this as a compliment, it's nice to know people try to appreciate what you go through during a deployment. In fact, it's a little bit of a boost when you've had a very stressful day/week/year with the kids and all aspects of life are bombarding you at once. Somehow hearing that makes it all worth dealing with.
3. "At least he's not in Iraq." (Ok, my husband's in Iraq)
(This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose husbands
are in Afghanistan. What do they think is happening in Afghanistan? An
international game of golf? Specially since the action recently has heated up in Afghanistan and now starting to warm back up in Iraq. Really does it make it easier if he's in either one! Oh ignorance.
4. "Do you think he'll get to come home for Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of a child/wedding/family reunion, etc?"
(Don't you watch the news? No! They don't get to come home for any of these things. Please don't ask again.)
5. "What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he's gone?"
(Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there's a military wife out
there who gets bored when her husband leaves. For the rest of us, those
with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people.
That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don't get bored,
and drinking massive amounts of wine (I'm gonna insert MILK here, no wine thank you) always helps keep me busy.
6. "How much longer does he have until he can get out?"
(This one is annoying to many of us whether our husbands are deployed
or not. Many of our husbands aren't counting down the days until they
"can" get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again
because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and
AGAIN to go back to Iraq/Afghanistan b/c there is work that needs to be done.)
7. "This deployment shouldn't be so bad, now that you're used to it."
(We do learn coping skills. We figure out ways to make life go smoother
while the guys are gone. But it never gets "easy" and the bullets and
bombs don't skip over our guys just because they've been there before.
The worry never goes away. And all of us military wives who have had more than one deployment know that they get harder the more you have to do)
8. "My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you're going through."
(This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband's three
week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/etc. with a 6-15 month or more
deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference,
nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D.,
your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, and he
flew comfortably on a commercial plane. We do not feel bonded to you in
the slightest because of this comment and, if anything, we probably
resent you a bit for it. Comparing a 12 month combat deployment to a
few weeks business trip is like comparing a crappy Hyundai Excel with a
Mercedes convertible.)
9. "Wow you must miss him?"
(This one also gets another big "duh". Of course we miss our men! There are some wives who do not and they're now divorced.)
10. "Where is he exactly? Where is that?"
(I don't expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province on
a map, but they should know by now that it's in Iraq. Likewise, know
that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Know that Muqtada al Sadr
is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi Army in Iraq and that Sadr City is
his home area. Know that Iran is a major threat to our country and that
it is located between Afghanistan and Iraq. These
basic facts are not secrets, they're on the news every night and in the
papers every day —and on maps everywhere.)
11. "Well, he signed up for it, so it's his own fault whatever happens over there.
(Yes, ignorant, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your
right to make stupid comments like that. He didn't sign up and ask to
be hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the
way, he asked me to tell you that "You're welcome." He's still fighting
for your freedom.)
*I have to add to this one....what also bothers me is when people are shocked that my husband joined the military knowing full well he has a wife and children at home. Their attitude is like this: "How could you leave your family like that and go to war? How irresponsible of you!" Seriously?! There are people out there who think that??!! Apparently, my husband and I should be ashamed of ourselves because my husband is acting so SELFISHLY to put serving his country ahead of his family. This question still throws me for a loop. We have had several people say this to either one of us. My response? YOU ARE DEAD WRONG! I believe it to be quite the opposite....how unselfish of him to be willing to leave his family in order to help keep and preserve our precious freedom for his children and future posterity and for yours. He does this BECAUSE he has a family. There is nothing my husband wants more in this life than to be with me and our children, it is extremely hard for him to be away from us. My kids have a father they can look up to and be proud of. Not only that, they get to experience first hand what it's like to sacrifice for something bigger than themselves. Serving your country isn't only for the single young people out there, sorry to disappoint.
12. "Don't you miss sex! I couldn't do it!"
(hmmm, no i don't miss sex. I'm a robot. Alright, seriously…military spouses
learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something
greater than sex. We learn to appreciate the important things, like
simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have
dinner together every night. And the hard truth is, most relationships
probably couldn't withstand 12 months of sex deprivation. But us military wives.. were a special breed and we kick butt!! June Cleaver doesn't have crap on us!)
13. "Well in my opinion….."
(Stop right there. Yo, I didn't ask for you your personal political
opinions. Hey, I love a heated political debate, but not in the grocery
store, not in Starbucks, not at Nordstrom, not in a bar when I'm out
with my girls trying to forget the war, and CERTAINLY NOT AT WORK. We
tell co-workers about deployments so when we have to spend lunch hours
running our butts off doing errands and taking care of the house, dog,
and kids, they have an understanding. We do not tell co-workers and
colleagues because we are giving an invitation to ramble about politics
or because we so eagerly want to hear how much they hate the President,
esp. while we're trying to heat up our lean cuisines in the crappy
office microwaves.)
Last, but not least….
14. "OH, that's horrible…I'm so sorry!"
(He's doing his job and he's bad a**. Don't be sorry. Be appreciative
and please take a moment out of your comfortable American lives to
realize that our marines/soldiers/airmen/coasties/sailors fight the
wars abroad so those wars stay abroad.)
If you want to say anything, say thank you. After all, we are sexually deprived for your freedom!
by Kaye at: http://truemilitarywivesconfessions.ning.com/forum/topics/14-things-you-never-say-to-a-military-wife?xg_source=facebookshare
SIMPLY, I AM PROUD TO BE A MILITARY WIFE.
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